Tag: Ghost

Chasing a Ghost…

An Older post from my old blog.

Chasing a ghost.. for Five years… 

I have been on a chase for the longest of time. Something that was mine at one point or another..I May not have been in this life but another. Yes, I do believe strongly in past lives. Anyways I fell for someone I can’t have… Or so I thought but times have changed and so do we… We have grown up and changed…

  So three years ago I had a choice to make.. Stay or go…

    …. I picked go… I left not only to protect some dear people to me… but I thought that’s what I wanted… For three years I tried to forget what I left be hide… Who I left behind… Not because I hated them… But because my leaving meant ever promises I made to them was a lie… When I made them it wasn’t a lie…

  I tried to get them… To try and detail with the pain I was and still, am feeling… I live with what I did every waking day of my life… But in those three years, I never forgot them… I learn to bury the memories and feelings I had for them… You know nothing stays buried away forever. There was always something that triggered them and they all came rushing back tenfold!!

 So what does all this have to do with chasing a Ghost? Yull see…

So I went three years selfishly thing I was the one in pain… I didn’t think what the people I left behind was going through… I may never know but I do know one thing it did help us all Grow up and realize how cold of a heartless BITCH this world is!!  

  Oh and I know it was wrong of me to lead someone on like I did… But I did not I did love him… No, he did not have all of my heart but he did have some… I thought if I could love him a little in time it wound grow… And it did.. Just not all the way. Till it went away… I have done things I never thought I wound… I have seen stuff I never thought I wound….. But back on the ghost thing… If I never wound have left I mite have finely had the ghost… But I realized something very important a dear friend once told me… You cant go back no matter how hard you try you cant… Life just doesn’t work like that…

   Last night I finely realized what he had meant by that… I wanted to go back to how everything was before I left. But I cant so the only thing left to do is Go foreword… Start over new again… We all changed in those three years I was gone… I wanted to come back and everything fall in to place like in the movies… but life ant like that… So will I ever finally catch my ghost..? Or will I never catch and just keep Chasing it? I use to spend hours just thinking of that very question. But Last night I came to realized I didn’t care if I did or didn’t because I know one day I will Catch that ghost! I have wanted five years… I can wait for a lifetime… Because in any way I am still in that ghost’s life!

 I do want to say that if anyone is reading this and if your one of the People in the post I am sorry I left! 

  But I can’t change what had already happened! But I will prove to you all day by day that I am not going anywhere this time!! 

https://anoldsoulinanewlife.blogspot.com/2013/06/chasing-ghost.html?m=1   Unknown     at 11:34 AM 

Also find my other sits here at the link. https://myurls.co/firelotus

Me…

So I guess I should explain why this blog was made? Well, I’m twenty-six. I live in Florida with my boyfriend of almost four years now with our three Cats… I was born in Alabama and spent most of my life in Alabama… I have Bipolar- “Mixed features”, Severe Anxiety with P.T.S.D… So I have good days and bad weeks. But last years was a rough year… This year has been the same with me losing my aunt Tammy on fathers day… Her doctor told us\her she would not make it past April… October of last year I lost my grandmother and a dear friend….. Honesty due to “My grandmother and Aunt Tammy Health issues was the cause of there passing. “I’ll make a post on their stories later” Due to that fact me coming to the terms of there passing was less hard shall I bodily say.

This person was my FIRST LOVE, Best friend, Worst Enemy, and Ghost….. We both helped one another saver most of our teen years and some of our young adult years… “Ghost” he was. See our friendship was, to say the least complected. See think Lady and tramp story but Bro mans mixed with bisexuality and a coming of age Romeo and Romeo love-hate story set in the small southern town. That was our story. But all that came crashing down around me when I was informed he passed away due to What happened this past Thursday on the other hand. This person was my FIRST LOVE, Best friend, worst en-mi and “Ghost”….. We both helped one another saver most of our teen years and some of our young adult years… That was our story. But all that came crashing down around me when I was informed he passed away due to accidental self-shooting….. See if you ever knew GHOST you knew he loved “GUNS”. A small town in Alabama remembers its kinda raised in us. But Ghost knew everyone and everyone knew him. In school, it was the same he knew everyone and everyone knew him. He has a way of making an impression only if it was in passing. I’ll make a post for him also.

So that’s what’s going on in my life as of today. Trying to cope with Ghost no longer being with us…… Just typing that I felt as if I could just smash everything and scream and just break… Or I would clasp in on my self.. See losing someone grieving someone is the one thing no one teaches you in life.. Or how to grief someone and still keep your life together…..